Muffet Mom ONESHOT:On a date
by Razaraga
Summary: This is a oneshot I did with Barbacar, so go check out the stories over there!


Muffet sat down at the table, cigar glowing in her mouth as she adjusted her wide brimmed sunhat. She closed her parasol and set it aside as she waited for her date to show up.

She heard the door open, turning to the entrance to see a figure enter.

Muffet took a drag on her cigar and blew out a purple smoke cloud that said "Hello, are you my blind date?"

"Yes." The figure said, awkwardly stumbling closer to her, as if they were actually blind. Now that they were in the light, she could see that the figure what what appeared to be naturally gray hair, a large stripped sweater that seemed to hang off of them, too big for them, the right half looking like her little Frisks sweater, and the left a light green with a large tan stripe going through the middle.

The figure was also wearing long dark-grey cargopants, and brown boots. She couldn't see their eyes, the orbs obstructed by the figures long hair.

Muffet ran a finger through her long dark hair as she motioned for the figure to take a seat. She blew a purple smoke ring as she smiled warmly at the figure. The figure didn't seem to overly react to the gesture, standing there for a second before taking a seat.

"Why, hello sweetie. What's your name?" asked Muffet.

"Rindie." The now identified as Rindie said, smiling.

"I'm Muffet." said the spider girl, grinning as the smell of pleasant cigar smoke filled the air.

"You smoke?" Rindie asked, tilting their head, no judgement in their voice, it being an innocent question.

"All the time, dear. Why do you ask?" asked Muffet.

"That means I can take these out." Rindie replied, pulling a pack of cigars out of nowhere, taking one out and lighting it with a flame that came from their finger.

(yes, we seem to synergize well with our writing styles)

"Oh, you do too?" asked Muffet. This date was going better than she thought it would.

"Only when I can get away with it without having to deal with people judging me." Rindie said, taking a drag of the cigar. "Of course, I try to explain that it can't really do anything to me because of some of my powers, but people just don't _listen_ sometimes."

"Well, my cigars are made of spiders and webbing." said Muffet, smiling.

"I… don't remember what mine are made of, I made mine _so long ago_ and haven't really gotten a chance to use them." Rindie said, shrugging as they took another drag.

Muffet leaned over and touched the huge cigar in her mouth to the big, but slightly smaller cigar in Rindie's mouth in a "kiss" of sorts before giggling. Rindie seemed surprised at this from the half of their face that could be seen.

"So forward." Rindie said with a grin, doing the same to Muffets cigar.

Muffet laughed. "So, I take it you're fine with a lady who smokes?"

"I don't mind you doing it if you don't mind me doing it." Rindie said simply.

Muffet nodded. "So, how old are you?"

"Oh, right now I'm physically eighteen… but that doesn't really matter much since I can shape-shift to be whatever I want whenever I want." Rindie said with a shrug, the motion causing their hair to partially reveal an empty eye socket, before it settled back in place.

"Well, I'm about nineteen, physically." said Muffet. As she talked, her cigar bobbed up and down in her mouth, shaking loose some ash.

"So, let's get some small talk done… interests?" Rindie asked, making a subtle hand gesture that made the ash go into a ashtray that wasn't there before.

"Well, quite a few actually. I enjoy baking all sorts of things, and I also like fire works, explosives, cannons, things of that nature. My child also enjoys working on those things with me."

"I don't mind a good explosion." Rindie said, smirking. "You'll love a surprise I have planned later."

Muffet smiled. "I also enjoy coming up with ways to advertise for my bakery. The one Frisk, my child, seems to like the most is when I fire them out of a cannon."

"Maybe you could put on a show to advertise your bakery with your canons and some fireworks?" Rindie suggested, taking another drag of the cigar they had. "I mean, if you had some that blew up into the shapes of your food, that'd gain a lot of attention."

"Good idea." said Muffet, blowing a pleasant smelling cloud of cigar smoke into their face. "Who or what should I show out of the cannons?"

"I could provide free fireworks, so everything I suppose." Rindie said with a grin, blowing a pleasant smelling cloud right back.

"How about Frisk, or you, or me?" said Muffet, eyes lighting up.

"I suppose that means we're an 'item' now?" Rindie asked as a reply, smiling.

"That was fast." smirked Muffet.

"Well, I think we seem to get along well, so why not?" Rindie asked, shrugging.

Muffet placed her cigar into the ash tray and asked "Want a kiss, sweetie?"

"Sure." Rindie said, doing the same and leaning forward, puckering up.

Muffet gave them a big, full kiss on the lips, not noticing as they began to swallow their head. Rindie didn't seem to mind that much as their head was swallowed, even helping to put a little more into her mouth. Muffet slurped them down further, still closing her eyes as she smiled. With one last powerful swallow, she sent them down into her stomach.

"Well, this is new." Rindie said from inside her.

Muffet patted her stomach and said "Sorry about that, dear. Spider instincts kicked in there. You tasted pretty good." She took the two cigars from the ash tray and placed them into her mouth.

"It's fine, if I would die from a little digestion, somethings woulda killed me a long time ago." Rindie replied, Muffet feeling that something that was on them was now gone.

Muffet playfully asked "Has this happened before?" before swallowing Rindie's cigar so that it would land in Rindie's mouth.

"Not by accident, some things I've fought tried to kill me by eating me… they're not around anymore." Rindie said simply, smiling a little. "Thanks for giving me my cigar back."

"So, you might be surprised to know that this is far from the first time this has happened to me." said Muffet.

"Really?" Rindie asked, interested.

"Yep. Happened to pretty much all my boyfriends and girlfriends. It's actually an important part of how my species mates." said Muffet, taking a drag.

"How so?" Rindie asked, taking a drag at the same time so the smoke went out with hers.

"Basically, after mating, the female swallows the male whole. They live as one for a few years, the male caring for the eggs inside the female. When the time comes, the male is reborn, along with all the eggs." Muffet explained casually.

"Well, we seemed to have skipped a step there." Rindie said, chuckling.

"Maybe next time." said Muffet. "So, what was the surprise?"

"Go outside." Rindie requested.

Muffet stood up, opening her parasol as she stepped outside. Lights came out from her stomach, flying into the air and exploding into beautiful shapes.

"Wow!" said Muffet, the cigar nearly falling from her mouth.

"It's not over yet." Rindie said, one last rainbow colored light appearing and traveling into the air, exploding into a large picture of her and Rindie kissing the more 'normal' way.

Muffet just smiled at the firework.

"D-do you like it?" Rindie asked, hesitant.

"Sure do! Could you do something with a cannon?" asked Muffet.

"S-sure." Rindie said, smiling as a cannon appeared next to her, before it aimed up and shot another rainbow light into the sky, this one of Muffet and Rindie dancing.

Muffet jumped into the cannon. "Are… we in the cannon?" Rindie asked.

"Yep!" said Muffet, blowing a smoke ring.

"Alright, where do you want me to shoot us?" Rindie asked.

"Any ideas?" asked Muffet.

"Point me in the direction of your place." Rindie said, smirking inside her.

"How about the moon?" asked Muffet enthusiastically.

"Sure." Rindie said, a clear bubble appearing around Muffets head. "Here we go!" They exclaimed, shooting the pair up and towards the moon.

They vanished into the night sky with a twinkle, leaving behind constellations of themselves. The Muffet constellation took a drag on her cigar before blowing a star smoke ring.


End file.
